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Aug 7, 2012

I almost forgot to add a Title to this Post....ta da!

Hello everyone.....I have been a mass of emotions in the past couple of days and whilst I would love to blame the Hag.....that chapter has FINALLY come to a close and now we can begin the obsession/hoping/praying for the next round.  Shall we?


Ok, so a couple things that are AWESOME.  I cleaned my house this weekend.  NO, not the toilets (Bayou loves to clean those) but everything else.  I know.....fun city.  But the reason WHY I love to clean my house are the necessary tools to keep my dogs at bay and quiet and me able to rip through my house while Britney is bumping in the background. 

THESE



and THIS


I know, I know...you are as excited as I get over cleaning supplies, right? No? But but but if you have two massively shedding dogs....and I'm not talking about those cute little tumbleweeds of hair that you can easily grab with your fingers and toss in the garbage.....I'm talking about the layer of thin hair needles that lay on the all horizontal things in my house and band together to make a dog carpet.....those fuckers take special tools.  And Swiffer, I really wish you were paying me for this promotion because your products are the shit.  And trust me, I have tried to be cheap about my cleaning tools and buy the knock-offs because you can get 1,000 for $1 but they just do not do the job these dusters and sweepers do.  I can bust out my living room, guest room, kitchen, stairs, upstairs, bedroom, two bathrooms, basement stairs, entire basement, and hell....if the hair manages to climb the walls then my special Swiffer wand does too! All in a matter of minutes.  And then it looks like there are only two dogs and a cat living in our facility and less of a weird cult of hairy objects slowly taking shape in our home. 

I love my Swiffers so much I want to whisper sweet nothings into their ears, if Swiffers have ears,  and then make them lasagna.

Second thing I love.....MODG Blog......I am preeeetttty sure that I may have been adopted and this awesome chick is my secret twin. She has the same crazy obsessions about babies and mom jokes.  I mean...our husbands even kind of look the same.  While MODG's husband gets mistaken for some baseball player... mine gets mistaken for some NASCAR driver named Jeff Gordon....I'll have to upload some comparison photos at another point when I actually have a semi sober picture of Bayou.  Luckily for us, we don't venture to new places too too often and the whole celebrity thing only happens every once in a while... I can totally imagine how annoying this would get.  And don't worry Amanda....I'm kind of the NKOTB, but I promise to actually start posting comments on your blog...but I DO follow it. Hard. Core.

Moving on....to things I don't like.  First....those who actually know me in real life know I am basically a slave to the Metra trains to get my shiny ass into work each morning.  The Metra brings good and bad things.  Good things being if I had a terrible day, I get to chill out and drink a Bud Lite alone for an hour before I get home to chaos. 

Bad things being.....Train Fashion.  More Specifically....the "Mom's who work but are trying to keep it together and are failing by actually managing to go a step beyond mom jeans to Mom Slacks with brightly colored gym shoes" 

Isn't She Lovely?
And the thing is...at some point...I'm pretty sure this lady had it going on...okay, maybe not, but I mean COME. ON........she doesn't even have shoes in either one of those bags to make this outfit more acceptable.   We just have to pray that she keeps her sensible work pumps hidden under her desk at work instead of those monstrosities.....or...she runs a marathon for a living but prefers a blouse instead of a sports bra?  Now listen....I know that we all have to hike many many minutes after we get off the train to get to work, but sweet Jesus...there are other more acceptable looking footwear that both have arch support AND don't clash so terribly with your outfit. 

And those pants...OHHHH the pants.  First off....pants on women are basically a fail....I know....some of you super tall skinny models can pull of dress pants...but for the people under 5'3".....usually you end up with some kind of FUPA action where the button is...or they are too long or you get camel toe...or whatever.
This lady wore the SAME PANTS a couple days ago but they were TURQUOISE....they matched her stupid shoes.....I was almost blinded and nearly ran into a light pole they were THAT. BAD.  And apparently they must have had a sale because she bought an identical pair in a more modest black. These pants make her ass look like it is literally a foot tall and flat as a pancake. 

I should stop though....Karma is going to come back around and it's not going to be pretty.  However, I do see a bunch of terribly funny things on a daily basis so maybe I will add more pictures and words for my daily commute of horrors.  What do you think?


And finally, something I have to admit, and I really don't know why I am doing this, but I have had an emotion lately that I thought faded away with High School drama.  It's called jealousy.  And that bitch is back with a vengeance.  (Side note, normally I spell "big" words like vengeance wrong, and then luckily my spell checker puts the red angry mouth squiggly line under the world so that I am less mortified by my lack of smarts...but I actually spelled vengeance correctly!! Moving on.)

OK......so I get word that an ex girlfriend of Bayou's will be joining us for this weekends festivities.  This Ex....was an ex like 15. FUCKING. YEARS. AGO.....and I know her, and we have talked, and she is a mutual friend of my SIL which is why this whole scenario is even happening.  But....for some reason, the whole "EX" word is putting daggers into my brain and making me crazy.  Like...I get it, I'm a friggin adult and married for christ sake....why am I worried or upset or nervous? I guess I'm not...but for some reason, I have these fears of her being all weird with me and like....making a move on Bayou again or being overly awesome with his parents.  And then I try to rationalize the situation and am like...Jesus TBag....get over it...you are the hotness and even though you are pushing 30 you have an awesome life and can manage 4 penises in your home....relax already....Someone get this basket case a Bud lite now!!! So I will.  And I told Bayou my insanity, and I just asked him if it's weird...and would he be weirded out one of my ex's hung out with us, because...here's the deal....we just aren't friends with any of our ex's....we just aren't....we HARDLY have opposite sex friends....in fact...neither of us have more than casual acquaintances that are the opposite sex...so I guess I just have to grow a pair and stop being whiny because I am almost 100% sure this post will be viewed by her and she is going to laughing at my insanity.  So....What's up Ex?  Hope you are well.  I'm not crazy, just being kind of honest here.  So...let's just play nice okay?  And I will only judge with my brain and not my mouth or side eyes...because, well, who am I kidding....I love to judge. We all do. 

So now I have just made this weekend awkward...but hopefully not. It'll be fine, and it's not like this is the first time I have made something weird in my head....it's just the first time admitting it to the 5 readers I have that aren't Bayou.  So go ahead and judge.  I don't care. But am I crazy? Do you guys still get random bouts of the insanities and jealousy or something similar?  Please share in the comments section...even if it's just under "anonymous"....so I don't feel so bad about having this glass case of emotions.

High School Drama.  Tbag. Out.

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