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Mar 15, 2013

Take your risks now.....


Something to think about.  On our free day off from working out (yay!) I have had a few extra minutes to reflect on the last week and some random things that have happened.

You could look at bettering yourself as a risk.  It's easy and comfortable and welcoming to sit more than move and eat more than you should and complain and tell everyone else how hard your life is. Complaining is much, much easier than actually getting up and doing something about it. Misery loves company so you will have plenty of followers.

I am choosing to go in the opposite direction.  I am choosing to move my body and try new workouts and push myself to the limit in the hopes that I can impress myself. I do it alone.  No one else can make me do this no matter how much they could push.  It's hard, and the results will not happen overnight.
Think about it...whether you are 5, 15, or 50 pounds over your ideal weight...you didn't put on those 5, 15, or 50 pounds in a week. Hell..it probably wasn't even a month...it was probably many months, maybe even a year. Until finally one day you look in the mirror and don't recognize yourself.

For me...it was more a mental issue.  I have been trying to fill this void in my life that I feel like I so desperately need that I lost sight of who I am...as a woman, a wife, an employee, a friend. I suppose I have, in a way, been pining to fill this gap in my heart since June of 2012.  My most loved and favorite grandfather passed away and it hurt me to the core.  It felt almost as bad as what I could imagine it would feel like to lose a parent.  I didn't have a second to myself that terrible weekend to have closure, but bit by bit, it is getting easier. And it made me realize that this is exactly what I need in my life. I have a lot of life and love to dole out to more than just my husband and pets. I want to teach someone, comfort and love and ultimately let go into the world, and then in return, have that someone be there for me when I am old and gray.  Even if it's just to say Goodbye and I Love You. Sometimes I just bust out crying for a few minutes and that probably freaks out my husband, but I can't help it.  I wanted, and still want, a baby so bad that it totally consumed my life.  I lived and breathed to learn more about how to get pregnant, how to do it faster, tips and tricks and do this and do that and don't do this and don't do that.
And so far I have failed.
So far we have failed.
I was not myself. Not lively, not outgoing. I would get angry about timing things and refraining from this and that, and taking these vitamins and peeing on all these strips of paper. I lost that "spark" that made me, me.  Until last week when I once again was greeted with my monthly visitor and threw my hands up..  I QUIT!! This is too hard!! It's not meant to be!  I can't make it happen and I am on the fence about whether it even can without some divine intervention or something more drastic. And maybe that is a bit dramatic, but then it wouldn't be me.

So this is where I am. I started focusing on myself again by building a regimen with the goal in mind to look and feel better about, not only what I saw in the mirror, but how others viewed me and my place in this world.

I'm taking the risk of being a little more selfish, knowing that I don't love my husband or job any less, but a little "me" time will make those relationships stronger.
I'm taking a risk that I will be sore tomorrow, knowing I will ultimately be stronger.
I'm taking a risk to put my face and body out to the world to show that I have flaws and stumble over my words just like everyone else.  Nobody is perfect, but we can better ourselves together.
I'm taking a risk that no one will ever read this, and accepting that it's okay if only one person stays dedicated and this blog never goes anywhere.

I'm taking a risk.

I hope you take a risk, everyday, even if it's something so tiny no one notices...something that makes your heart race just a little bit.  It's that little bit that makes you feel alive!!

Week 1 Progress photos and updates tomorrow.

Risky Behavior.
TBag. Out.