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May 10, 2013

Miami Story Part 3: What the Hell is Vizcaya?

Part 3 y'all!!

Catch up if you need to.

Part 1 is HERE!
Part 2 is HERE!

So I lost half my bikini....nearly broke my ankle, and met Bon Qui Qui....and I'm sure you're thinking,
"How could your vacation get any better?"

With straight up old school eye candy...my friend.


We took one of those double decker bus tours around the nether-regions of Miami.  We were hoping to see some lesser known parts, plus! The tickets were good for 24 hours and you could hop on and off at various points.  Score.

Between buses we jumped off at the marina for some dranks.....

I don't care what anyone says...rompers are cute if they actually fit your small-ish torso

As we rounded a more fancy and rich part of Miami and are approaching a scheduled stop...I see, out of the corner of my eye....a sign that says "Vizcaya."

TBag: "We're getting off the bus...now!"
Bayou: "Why? We're in the middle of nowhere"
TBag: "I think there is something here that's awesome, but not sure exactly what it is."
Bayou, not having a choice....complies.

And off we go into the friggin woods on a "pedestrian path."  Never mind that there are huge barricades with signs that say "attack dog" and "ammunition onsite"....seems perfectly normal to me.

Bayou: "Seriously....where the fuck are we headed?  We are going to get killed."
TBag: "I'm not sure....I think I saw something that this Vizcaya- whatever place is supposed to be awesome...I think it's some garden or something."

We arrive at a clearing and a ticket stand and promptly ask the girl sitting in the ticket box WTF is this place because we STILL can't see it from the booth.

Um.....this chick is higher than a kite.  She's slowly giggling and throwing her head back like she just finished a rather large blunt when we realizes not only have we been standing there for a hot minute, but have asked her questions that she has yet to respond to.

Stoner Girl: "Ummmmm wwhhhaat?"
TBag: "Hello dear....as I see we are clearly interrupting your last toke, could you please inform us what Vizcaya is?"
Stoner Girl: "uhhhhh....it's this really big house that some old, rich dude left behind and you can look at all of his stuff."
Bayou: "So what you're saying is there's some stuff and......and......and....(ok, if you have seen Super Troopers, you will know what he's doing, if not go HERE, then come back and laugh)...
Bayou continues: "littering and........ literring and........
Stoner Girl: "Duuuuudddee......whhhaatt is happening? Are you weeeiiird?
TBag: "Well since you have clearly sold us on this spot, we'll buy two tickets"

And we approach the old house that some dude lived in.




Dudes...this place could not be more awesome and epic and just eye candy with all the history and hand made ornamental shiz and everything has been preserved so well.  This mansion has a million rooms and a million dollars poured into every detail.  We by-pass the guided tours and run around the concrete steps like school-kids playing at recess. It's THAT cool.

So.....we weren't allowed to take pictures inside, but I DID snag this pic of this awesome spiral staircase.


Outdoors, there are acres upon acres of maze-like gardens and waiting pools and stone statues and flowers.
It really is breath-taking.




This guy was so eccentric and had so much money that instead of building a standard breakwater shoreline....he built a friggin' SHIP out of stone and concrete....just because!


Each ticket was $15 and it was worth every. damn. penny.

I urge you to go if you are ever in the area.  You will NOT be disappointed!

That evening, we went out to a fancier dinner at a seasonal Stone Crab restaurant called Joe's. The name isn't overly fancy, but I can assure you, the service and food are to die for.



PS- We hypothesized that there is some type of mob-money or some other deal in the works at this place, because;
A) How can a restaurant only stay open half of the year and survive for such a long time and
B) Every single server, bus boy, wait staff, everyone....was over the age of 35 and had some seriously muscle to them. Honestly, they looked like they were straight out of the slammer. 

We didn't care. 
A nice bottle of red, some claws, filet mignon and AWESOME key lime pie for dessert and this bitch was satis-FIED.

Afterward, Bayou and I walked along the beach all the way back to the hotel.

The next morning was our farewell with Miami.  The weather held out just long enough to give us 3 hours on the beach for one last rendezvous.....(with a FULL bikini this time)




Until next time South Beach....stay sassy.
TBag. Out.

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