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Mar 5, 2014

The neighbors

I get a call from Bayou at 4pm today, 20 minutes before I leave for the day.
Something horrible happened.
My blood pressure immediately skyrockets as I imagine one of dogs is hurt.
WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED? ARE THE DOGS OK?
ha, oh...oh Yea. They are fine.

Long dramatic pause.....


I got pinned by our neighbor.
Shit. Which one? Peggy the weed wacker?
No. The one on the end. She came hobbling over to me as I was shoveling around the gate.
Her name is Cindy. She was asking me what type of company I have. She owns a house cleaning business.

Nice. Maybe she will be useful later?
She says she watches our house a lot from the kitchen window.




That's her house. The window with the light on is her kitchen.

Well that's not creepy at all.
How old is she? Can she even see that far? I think I have seen a wheelchair go in and out.

I don't know, I'm not good at that stuff, maybe late 40's?
Well shit, what the fuck is her problem?

See, we don't really do the whole neighbor thing. There is nothing worse than coming home from a long day at work and some jag off is standing in their garage, anticipating your arrival, just to "shoot the shit" for an hour when all you want to do is go. in fucking. side.
Bayou is a really nice guy, much more tolerant of people's bullshit than I am, and he always gets stuck in these situations.

And he continues,
That's not even the best part.
Damn....what now? What are we doing to annoy her?
Nothing. She watches you leave every morning. She asked me how old my daughter was, as she walks to the school each day.

Oh yea, we live across the street from a MIDDLE SCHOOL.
SHE THINKS I'M IN MIDDLE SCHOOL PEOPLE.

Yea, she says she always notices my daughter walking to school carrying bags.
WHAT?!
Yea! I had to keep interrupting her that you are my WIFE. We don't have a daughter.
But she insisted we did. Said you were much smaller and younger than me.

Ha...Yea, you are pretty old.
Piss off tbag!
So that means she has watched me bust my ass on more than one icy occasion down that damned driveway?
Yup.
Awesome.
Well the good news is she said she will be out more often in the spring.
Oh boy, I can't wait.

Its begun.
I'm sure she is in cahoots with the other neighbors.
Now we are going to have the invite them over and act like we give a shit!
Ugh. For once I'm not excited for spring.