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Jun 17, 2015

Nine trends I won't follow

There are so many G.D. trends these days.
What's old is new again.
The hipster revival.
Craft beer.
High-waisted butt cheek shorts (or as I like to call...hooker-chic)
New inventions, new ideas, new thinking
Go Green.

On and on and on (got that Tove Lo song in my head, LOVES it)

HOWEVER!
These are the NINE trends that I will not follow under any circumstance
(unless someone paid me A LOT of money, because, you know, everyone has their price)

OVERALLS


I don't care how much my husband claims that Kelly Kapowski looked super hot with her one-shoulder overall/midriff combination, we cannot go there anymore. That was the 90's. And while I do love me some classic rock hair bands and flannels, this trend needs to stay in the 90's. Unless it goes on little boys...because that is just adorable.


HAREM OR DROP-CROTCH PANTS

Why?! We women should embrace our figures, not try to hide them behind disgusting trends like these. And what exactly are you trying to hide down there? Puhleeze tell me your whisker biscuit flaps don't fill that void. But if they do...then fine, wear 'em. Just stay far, FAR, away from me.


USING THE WORDS "BAE" OR "FLEEK"

Why are we giving props to some fool who got super high and started slurring his words? Are we that lazy that we can't say baby anymore? And what the hell is fleek, and are you supposed to on or under it?
It is a compliment?
Quit trying to make fleek happen. It's not going to happen!


DUBSTEP

I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future of music. I would have gladly recorded the sounds of a blender and a laptop, cooking in a microwave, then thrown into a pool of water. Gladly.
Why can't people just play REAL instruments and be forced to have the discipline that we had growing up to suffer through years of classes and training and practice? Moving your hand back and forth across a disk does not count...but yet, here we are, dropping the bass to this robotic "music".


FOODS THAT ARE LITE, FAT-FREE, & SUGAR-FREE
Ladies...when a company eliminates the natural sugars and fats found in food, they fill it chemicals and other sugars and fats. You don't just get rid of sugar without adding in something to keep the flavor.
Plus! It makes you more hungry to eat faux food. I used to add EIGHT splenda's in my coffee every morning. EIGHT. And I always wondered why I felt so hungry all morning, even after eating a healthy meal.
After weening myself off that mess, I switched over to 3/4 of a tablespoon of the real stuff. Tastes delicious and is good on my waistline. Eliminating the diet crap eases bloating as well. That crap makes you feel like you have IBS....no bueno.
However, I will drink Bud Light until the day I die...always and forever, Amen.


INTERNET TROLLS

Trolling is the worst. People feel all high and mighty to write something behind the safety of their computer screen, but I highly doubt when face to face they would ever be anything but slightly rude....if that.
My prior company had a whole run-in with a bunch of online comments trying to ruin their reputation. And the geeks that wrote the stuff don't have a spine anyways, so it's not shocking. What is shocking is how foul mouthed people get. Not to mention lack of proper grammar and punctuation, but that's whole other story.
Chances are the people that are trolling other people won't ever meet in real life. You don't know their life and we don't know yours....so back the F off.


CHARACTER HATS

Unless you are a tween or a raver....step off this trend. (If you are a raver...get a job). I used to see grown ass women wearing cheetah hats in the dead of  winter to WORK.
IN A PROFESSIONAL SETTING. You are not cute, you are crazy.


TWITTER

I will never be a twat on Twitter. No one actually reads that shit, right? As far as I'm concerned, it's only good for news and breaking events.....not your witty one-liners and feuds. People have got to get a grip with technology. And shocking...you can get the SAME news and events on the internets.
Magic.


SOCKS WITH SHOES

Uh uh. Nope. Never. You got made fun of growing up if you wore your tube socks with your sandals, and the same holds true today. Gramps is the only one allowed to even consider it. Be a grown up lady and cut that shit out.


So tell me, what trends will you never, ever get together with?
Happy hump day folks!

2 comments:

  1. These are all excellent. I hate the word bae. So dumb. Twitter also annoys the shit out of me. It's just a bunch of links. I don't want to click on links - I just want to know what the hell you're talking about (or probably I don't but I'm not going to waste my time clicking something to find out). I've never had Twitter and refuse to sign up. The really short shorts need to go. It is not acceptable to see butt cheeks out in public. Save it for the bedroom. Also - painted on eyebrows. If you are blonde, it is obvious that your eyebrows are not natural when they are black, crisp check marks. Stupid.

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  2. I actually use Twitter, but it's for blog purposes. The others, I could do without. Especially the word 'bae'. Horrible.

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