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Dec 18, 2015

This Christmas


As the year inches ever closer to an end, I can't help but feel at peace with how this year is wrapping up.
I know that in 13 days 2016 starts, and so begins the year I have dreamed about for the last five.
It's a dream that has had so many emotions, so many stages, so many developments.

It's funny....how the process goes.

When I first had that spark....that I wanted to become a mom, I spent a lot of my time researching things, that, looking back, just seemed so silly and trivial.

I remember panicking about my options for before and after school care, since I would be working.
I remember planning exactly how I was going to tell Mark, after I saw those two lines.
I remember budgeting and creating checklists for the first few years after the baby was born.

And my favorite, I remember googling phrases like, "chances of getting pregnant using protection" (because we still were) and "how to get your man on board" (he finally came around), and "how to tell your boss you're pregnant" (like that even matters now).

So many things that just seemed so overwhelming and important and if I didn't have it all figured out IWOULDLOSEMYMIND. 

Like I was trying to figure out the next 18 years of my life in those few weeks.
And those weeks quickly turned into months, that turned into years.
And with each passing year, I stopped worrying about the details things, little by little.

And 90% of the last year....I haven't given any of it much thought. We had an absolute blast. Sure, there were bumps in the road. That's life. But it has been the most fun and the most relaxing and the most rewarding year I have had to date. As stars aligned with our home and my career and my well being, I feel more prepared than ever to take on this next chapter of our life.

Mark, on the other hand, started ramping up the questions and voicing concerns over the same things I was thinking about years ago. And I can't help but laugh a little about it.

I keep telling him....it's all details.  We don't even know if we can become parents yet. Let's get through that hurdle and battle the next one, okay?

I feel so nostalgic about this journey. I feel like I have grown in so many ways.
With patience, with understanding, with...details.

Plans change. A lot. Even next year, in my head I revamped our game plan a million times. But even with a general time line, and all the variables in place...the biggest thing I need to remember is to be fluid with the process. Go with the flow.

We can't guarantee that our embryos will develop properly and on schedule.
We can't guarantee ANY embryos will be normal.
We can't guarantee I can carry anything.
We can't guarantee a pregnancy.

But we have hope. Lots and lots of hope. And a bit of luck on our side as well.
And with that, my weekend will be filled with a Straight No Chaser Christmas show and lots of present wrapping.
What are your plans?
Happy Friday loves! Have a festive weekend!

3 comments:

  1. Pretty tree!!

    You have already been through so much and learned so much too! having a 'go with the flow' attitude will be even more beneficial to you as parents once this all works out for you guys. And it WILL!

    We are laying low tonight with a big family party in the city tomorrow and Santa dinner on Sunday. Tis the season!

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  2. I'm sending positive vibes your way girl! We're booze cruising on the golf cart for a Xmas parade tomorrow. I'm thinking bubbly;)

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  3. That's one thing you cannot plan for is when/how you have a baby - it will happen when it happens and trying to plan it will never work. This, of course comes from someone who really doesn't plan anything, yet I have a daughter that is a lot like you - she loves crossing shit of her lists! :D I hope you have a wonderful Christmas!

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