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Aug 17, 2016

PGD Results


I was driving back from Trader Joe's over my lunch break when my phone rang yesterday.
I have been privy to a slew of spam phone calls in the last week or so, and this number didn't register, but I answered anyway.

On the other line, was my main girl, Nurse Kim.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOUR RESULTS ARE IN ALREADY!!!
...ARE YOU READY?!"

Yes, I was.
So very ready.
I felt like I already knew.

As she spoke, I smiled as big as I could muster, and by the time I parked my car, the tears were flowing.

We have everything we need to move forward with our scheduled transfer.

OUR RESULTS ARE GOOD!

We fucking did it.

Honestly, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that we wouldn't make it past this hurdle.
Not one.

I called Mark and told him everything I knew.

But, we both had this awkward twinge in our voices as reality set in.
...I'll explain in a bit.

Kim forwarded the results email over to me, and I stared at my computer screen, trying to make sense of the entirety of our results.

Of course I researched everything, rifling through the good and the bad.

The bad included words and phrases like Turner's Syndrome, Scoliosis, heart failure, slow growth, and asymmetry.

Yikes.

The good included carrier and normal.

Now, of course I am SURE everyone is overly concerned about the specifics.

What exactly did we end up with, and how many?

I think Britney best sums it up.....


And WHY, after every detail that I have spilled to everyone I know....are we not spilling this information?

Well I'll tell you.
So, here's the thing about infertility.

No matter what hurdles you cross, it's not really "over" until that baby is born and is healthy and thriving.

With every milestone, every month, every hurdle, comes heartbreak, worry and doubt, and hopefully nothing but positive, happy results.

Over the years, we have had SO. MANY. letdowns and set-backs, that both of us have hardened our edges a bit.

You sort of get used to hearing that it's not working.
That you're broken.
But maaaaayyyyybbbeee there's still a chance.

We have our chance now.

So yes, while our results are GOOD and we are so very lucky to be able to keep moving forward on this journey, we're not really in the green yet.

Mark and I talked to a crazy length yesterday evening.

Because, at this point, we know everything, and I suppose we could go about it in some sort of fairy-tale, wide-eyed naive state of mind, free from potential down-falls.....but that isn't reality.

The reality is, we both know damn well that all the decision making in the world right now could ultimately mean nothing.

There is no plan.
Sure, we have an idea of the route we want to go, but it could change.
And it could change at the very last minute, unfortunately.
And it wouldn't be up to us.

We could arrive the day of transfer and have nothing to transfer.
Our good results could ultimately not make that thaw.

Or we could transfer and it could fail.

So, as Taylor Swift said....Are We Out of the Woods Yet?

No. Not by a long shot.

We came away from our conversation with this:

Yes, we are very, very happy that we received good results, but this is ultimately OUR journey and our decision and our life, and moving forward with a tad bit of privacy seems fitting.

I will still be blogging about the journey, of course!

Tonight is my last birth control pill.
Monday evening I started nightly Lupron injections to ward off ovulation.
I will continue these injections for roughly a month.

More meds will be added to the mix in the coming weeks.

The idea that I could have my last period for nearly 10 months is a pretty exciting prospect.
It's the little things, people. :)

So with that, I'll sign off for today.
Sorry to blue-ball you with the details, but trust we are keeping our hearts shielded and spirits high.
Thank you, as always, for supporting our journey and rooting us on along the way!
XO

9 comments:

  1. Best news evah! And yes, there is still a long road ahead, and I agree that it makes sense to keep that stuff private. My husband used to call it the "Jinx." If I talked about something on how I thought the outcome would be he would immediately say "you just jinxed yourself!"

    For now, giving you a high five and enjoy this good news! :D

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  2. Tia! So so so happy for you guys and completely understand guarding your news. It's so sensitive and tricky and hard and happy all at the same time. Best of luck in these next steps, as always we are routing for you!

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  3. Totally get it! So happy for this news and can't wait to hear more. And PS, while breastfeeding you don't usually get your period, either, so if you do that you'll add to the length of no periods! Yippee! :)

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  4. It kind of reminds me of all the bloggers who started house hunting and blogged about the perfect houses they found in detail, but then quit talking about it because they quickly learn that it is an up/down roller coaster of crazy and nothing is settled until you have the keys in your hand. Then one day there is a post that they closed on the house and moved in. Well, I hope to see that post one day where you say you have a healthy baby! Totally different, but I think where you get where I'm going with this. Anyway, glad you got some good news and hope it continues.

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  5. If the good included both "carrier" and "normal", you must have gotten more than 1!! I am so excited and hopeful for you, girl.

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    1. Ha! Well, to clarify, both of those words came from the same embryo ;)

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  6. Wohooo, to some good news - even when you have to face more hurdles, one less is something to celebrate. Thinking of you.

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  7. Not even how many??? Ugh! Waiting in suspense! ;) I know your miracle is on its way! ❤️

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  8. Glad all is well and you're still moving forward!

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