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Sep 15, 2016

I am not defined by Infertility


I have been blogging for just over four years.
My reason for starting a blog in the first place was to fill my time with an outlet.
A place to vent my frustrations and crossed hurdles because I really wanted a baby and had no clue just how long it would take.

Days turned to weeks turned to months....ultimately turning to years.

Four years, 3 months to be exact.

And in that time I have accomplished many things that make me whole outside of motherhood.
I have grown as a career-woman, a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a person in general.

Since 2012 I went from a job that I thought was good to a new job that is great.
I climbed the corporate ladder and have settled into a position that is both comfortable and challenging.
I stopped commuting to the city after 15 years.
I gained some extra time at home.
I learned what worked for me with fitness and can now commit to hitting the gym in the wee hours of the morning on a consistent basis.
I learned that wine is delicious, a good cocktail can't be beat, and there are no off limits foods. You just have to be smart about quantities.
I learned that I can maintain and renovate a home much larger than I ever thought I would purchase, and also act as landlord for a rental property.
I became a better, more compassionate friend.
I narrowed my circle of friends and love them with fury.
I have grown more patient, loving, and understanding with my husband.
I have stepped in as a sister and daughter for family when they need me.
I learned I can do hard things. Much harder than I ever imagined.
I learned I am the rock for troubled times with people I may or may not consider family.
I learned many people look to me for advice, and I'm happy to share my experiences and insight.
I have said a hard NO to situations and events that weren't suited for me.
I stopped feeling guilty about who I am as a person.

A person...who laughs too loud, who cracks one too many crass jokes, who loves too deeply at times, who ugly cries at inopportune moments, who is a logistics queen, who is sharp as a whip with math and planning, who wipes up drool and poop on a daily basis, who wears sweat pants (or no pants) and ratty t-shirts when not in public, who doesn't find the need for make-up unless it's at work or a social event, who loves dry-shampoo but adores a long bath, and fresh sheets, who is enthralled by Instagram, who is a shameless blogger, who opens up to anyone that will listen, who doesn't get too wrapped up in politics and avoids religion like the plague, who loves big hair and red lips, but only when the time is right, who doesn't really watch TV, unless it's HGTV, who works hard for the money and everything I own or want or need in this world, and who took infertility by the horns and said a huge FUCK YOU to the thought that we couldn't have children.

And the list can go on and on.

What I wanted from this blog was a voice, freedom of expression, and avoidance of definition.
Far too often I see bloggers attempt to find their niche, and then realize they have fallen down this rabbit hole and can't get out.

Can fashion bloggers post more than their OOTD and the latest trend?
Can food bloggers post more than recipes?

The answer is yes, if you play your cards right.

A niche can create a pigeon hole effect, when really, you are dying inside to share your real thoughts.

I am currently what would be considered an infertility blogger. I share my experiences in the hopes that someone will find my blog and feel that they are not alone, navigating the great unknown through trying to conceive and IVF.

I am also hopeful that I can close this chapter of my life this month.

To move onto a pregnant blogger.
A mom blogger.
A working mom blogger.
A hilarious blogger.
A tell-it-like-it-is blogger.
A home renovation blogger.
A cocktail blogger.
A dog-mom blogger.
A suburban blogger.
A LIFE BLOGGER.

However you want to define it, it has always, and will always continue to encapsulate my entire life.
The good and the bad.
The ups and downs.

I am ready to be done with this chapter.
I will never forget this struggle, but I am looking forward to not being in the depths of its grip anymore.
I am so much more than infertility.
You'll see.

And with that, I'm out!
The next time I blog I will officially be PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).
You can follow along on Instagram (@tgendooza).

Wish me luck and thanks for reading! XO

6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Cause I can't swype... do over. May the next chapters in life be overflowing with happiness and blessings.

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  3. The last thing I think of when I think of you is infertility! I think of a crazy strong FUN girl who is so insanely devoted to her friends, family, and dogs :) This chapter is simply that - just a chapter in your life, and I am so hopeful for the next one to come!!!

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  4. I think your blogging evolves as you do over time...as it should. Wishing you the best of luck on this journey and hope to see you transition to the next stage.

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  5. We are here for whatever point you are in life . . . much love and luck and prayers to you in the coming weeks!

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  6. Your personality shines through whatever you write, and I have no doubt it always will.

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